My Subaru has a new look. Yes, it needed some edge to reflect both its internal underpinning (AWD and 165 HP!), and more appropriately, its driver. J Yes, the bad boy of the bad boy had its windows tinted.
Mr. Shinn and I drove down south to have the shades installed. I tell ya, the tint install was a learning experience. Entering uncharted territory, I was convincingly run over by the salesperson. I know cars, but am clueless when it comes to tinting. The salesperson threw out a higher than expected price for the job. I made a futile attempt to negotiate the price down, but was immediately shot down because my vehicle is a SUV. The price may as well been justified, but having my ego bruised that early in the morning made me feel that I got slightly, if not royally ripped off. Well, I guess I felt more stupid than anything else. “Ahh…,my friend has his installed for ??”
“ohh k…yeah, let’s do it for the ?? you suggested. Thanks a lot”
The gist from my perspective….could I get it cheaper? No? Oh, then ignore my request and attempt to haggle. Really, I’m not cheap. I hope I didn’t offend you. Please do a good job. I live up north and don’t want to have to come back. …
Well, according to Mr. Shinn, I probably got a fair deal, and compared to what it would cost me in the Bay Area, it was worth the drive and the 12 hours of driving. Much thanks to Mr. Shinn for accompanying me, and planning out a rather entertaining weekend.
Man, if the Batmobile came in a SUV configuration, it would be a black Subaru Forester. Since my car is silver, I’ll call it the Subarumobile. Whatcha think? Are there two many syllables? Nah, I like it. It’s still cool, especially with dark tint and the bad boy behind the wheel. Oh yes, for all your ignorant folks, the Forester is a SUV – sports utility wagon – meaning it is not a station wagon. Station wagons are vehicles with wood paneling. My car doesn’t have wood paneling. So don’t be a hater.
gear
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD ;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD .
This excerpt comes at the end of Psalm 27, a confidence psalm that expresses the author’s hope and trust in God in the midst of persecution and uncertainty. It’s a big reminder for me, to have a sense of confidence that I will see the “goodness” of the Lord on this side of life; that God is working and though he at times may seem absent, he is not idle but is orchestrating life according to His “good” character. No, it’s not just about Him taking care of things on the eternal side. It’s also about Him working now: His kingdom coming, His reign growing, and His glory manifesting. Man, how I subconsciously forget, failing to hope with a sense of vulnerability in expectation for God to show Himself now. Now! Not in the afterlife, but in this life! I easily fall into getting by in life, rather than conquering life with the Life. The key is waiting for the Lord, having a grounded, even dogmatic, confidence, that entertains only Him as the answer to all my questions, fears, and uncertainty. Yes, be strong and take heart to wait for the Lord to show His goodness in this life. It doesn’t mean I don’t waver, but it does mean I hold on. Feel the Psalmist’s tone, he isn’t denying the hardships of life, but he is focusing on the satisfaction and peace of the presence of the Lord – to be in His temple. Yes, it is encouraging to see how Christianity isn’t for super spiritual folks, but for folks who ride the waves of life and but hold onto the Lord with a narrowness that blocks out everything that denies His existence, His character.
gear
something i wrote last week....
hanging with fingers tense
arms that feel stretched
unwilling to turn the head
pulpils widened behind eyelids closed
of memories that are so near
dashed dreams of yesteryears
remembrance of letting go
to turn around to grab hold
something more solid and real
yet fists clenched air all was held
gasping with extended arms
into the abyss loneliness fell
the scars that have been branded in
remains as that of lostness held
prevents the letting go once again
purpose is not without sight
death transformed to life
to that of the eternal light
despair and hopeless will not succumb
rise again will I further fly
to turn around and reach forth again
The worst comment/disparagement you can hear from somebody: "You're full of yourself."
The best comment/compliment you can hear from somebody: "I can see Christ in you."
I love the term “A New Song”. It accurately describes a grateful and joyful response of genuinely and deeply seeing the Lord. The psalmist uses this term in singing to the Lord, where his relationship with the Lord causes him to the sing. It is where the character, the nature, and the essence of the Lord stimulate us to sing, to shout, to declare in our hearts the greatness and goodness of the Lord. It is when scripture is so internalize d in us, that it invades our entire being; not only stirring our minds, but also gripping our hearts, and flooding our spirits. We are overwhelmed with the reality of recognizing our brokenness, of receiving His healing, and of placing our hope in Him. The fullness of the experience is summated in fiery worship.
“A New Song” is not literal; it is not a song or something that has just been written. It is relationship with Him that never gets old – it is always new. That when we sing a song like “Amazing Grace”, the experience of doing so would be as if we were singing it to the Lord for the first time. We don’t seek the new “naïve” experience. Rather, we seek the new “familiar” experience that is always refreshing.
I’ve been thinking about this new song thing for while. I guess that’s why I love the church named “New Song” - just for its name. The name represents what the Christian walk should be, but perhaps seldom is. Admittedly, in my daily life God becomes mundane for me. The relationship becomes stagnant and unexciting. It is all too familiar. I contrast that with some Sundays when worship is real and passionate. It is has been especially notable these last couple of weeks, an especially broken and emotional period for me. I feel lost and derailed. Yet this time has allowed me to honestly come to Him, leading me to need and trust Him. Unlike smoother periods in my life, worships on Sundays burn in me, a result of my brokenness, an emptying myself, a clinging on to Him and a healing of scars. Singing songs is the most intense part of worship. I believe it’s when my understanding of life - mine, His, and everlasting – is better understood. It’s when scripture and His ways affect the soul to sing: the soul boils with His presence that causes it to declare Him.
I also write this to confront the superficiality and fakeness of church. Let’s face it, how many of us really see God on Sundays? Even less, how many of us daily see “see” God daily? I don’t mean to sound judgmental, but I do want to recognize the seemingly obvious. When is the last time our souls were set ablaze, lit with a fire that trust us into uncontrollable awe? … when our faculties, the emotions and flesh, are fiercely aligned with direction of the soul given to Him – worship? More importantly, how long does it last? On the other side of life, it last forever...how many of us stake a claim on this side of life?
As I read material from these Christian mystics,(Folks who really contemplated their relationship to God) I realize my relationship with the Lord is so shallow. Why doesn’t scripture burn in me? Why doesn’t my soul perpetually sing to Him? …because I don’t seek Him like these Christian mystics…because I don’t I chew and grind God’s word like David in Psalm 119. Nah, I don’t have a defined path, but I do know it involves authenticity, teachability, and disciplines. I’ve not arrived. Brothers, sisters…let’s press on toward arriving at the destination of eternal and ceaseless worship. Seek earnestly, drink deeply, and respond freely. Sing to Him a new song!
gear
I just saw a chick flick with a dude. Man, I haven’t done this in a while, maybe since college. Yeah, I’m confident in my masculinity that it doesn’t matter that much. However, this particular movie contained many common elements found in the glory movies. Actually, I guess all movies contain a sense of glorification or amplification of the everyday life experiences. My intention is not to lower or make the everyday experiences common, but it is to see it normalized, if that makes any sense.
A sense of adventure, recklessness, freedom, and victory is found in love. In these movies, there are also elements of rebellion and preservation that deepens and illumines the love to such extent that it becomes loyal, even eternal. In this movie, The Notebook, the love was illustrated as pure and lasting; it was more than just practical and convenient. At the twilight of their lives, Noah was shown caring for Allie despite her dementia. His love was more than emotional - it was deeply committed, deeply loyal.
So my question is what makes love so deep that compels a person to be committed and loyal, even when the feelings go away? I mean, feelings are important, and both deepen and reflect love internalized and released. But how does one receive love, internalize it, and then release it? This movie definitely reflected human nature’s need for not only glory, but also love. People have an innate longing to be loved. In this movie, love was provided by their partners because of their presence and connection with each other. In Christian sense, how does God’s love deepen in us such that its mark is deep and permanent? How does God’s love penetrate in order to compel us to loyalty and commitment? Do we really receive love at such level, at such depth? At the twilight of my life, will my love, though imperfect, be as loyal and committed as that given by Noah to Allie at the end of their lives? If love given from human to human can be so giving, how much more ought love be given from God to human, and introspectively, from human to god.
Anyhow, just some more thoughts. I think it makes more sense when I verbalize it.
gear