k...going to post my thoughts in my blog little by little...i wrote this way back when i was taking an OT class. yeah, reading it again, i think i misused semicolons, but that's ok. i'll leave it unedited.
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I sit here at Starbuck this Friday night, outlining chapters 43-53 in the book of Isaiah. I fiercely tried to go through the chapters as quickly as possible, but cannot but observe the many people who stay, come and go. The people reflect the culture I am so intimately acquainted, from the young to the old. Many represent the superficial living so encouraged by our culture, while some represent the deeper issues of life itself. I see how our youth oriented society masks the pains of life, the agony and falleness associated to our innate question in life. We try to avoid the questions in our youth, to live on the surface of life itself, a bliss created by lies and falsilities that deny the existence of something deeper; a choice to avoid our inner yearning and innate understanding of something more purposeful. Eventually, the inner pain grabs hold of us; we cannot help but gravitate toward it. We will be confronted; death is so intertwined with the pain that undeniably come upon us.
This evening I looked across from me, and saw an elderly man reading. He is probably at least 80 years old. It seemed out of place, the combination of a youth-oriented, trendy place like Starbucks and elderly man sipping some coffee. However, what option does this person have? Our society does not provide for accommodations for the old, lest you consider the displacement of them from our society in some convalescent home; it circumvents the problem and ignores the pain rather than deal with seed of pain found in all of us. Indeed, death can be seen in lives of all, sadly the opposite is not true - life and truth is not in all.
So I look at this man, and I can’t help but somehow relate to the evitableness that closely hovering in the back of his mind; that will engulf him. Yes, death awaits this man, and he knows it. It is depicted in his loneliness, where all have forgotten him. Life as we know goes on, but he somehow is only faintly a part of it. I long to help, but am paralyzed with how I can approach and relate to him; perhaps it’s because I’m Chinese – I’m not sure. At the same time, I know there is only one who fully knows him and feels his pain. The burden is His alone to overcome through the truthfulness found in the death of Himself, and answer of Himself resurrected.
O Lord, save this man, and grant him deliverance from the hovering question of life itself, the sting and inevitableness of death. Let this man know your truth, your love. Remove the malaise; the deeper fear that is so near to him. And Lord, give me the wisdom to be your instrument to convey your living hope to this man. Help me in my helplessness, and give me wisdom in my unknowingness.
gear
as ppl get older, there is a strong tendency to become more cynical of life. because we live in a fallen condition, the ideals we subscribed to in our younger years get crushed, and to survive in this less than ideal world, we take on the perspective and approach of this world. Yet it doesn't mean ppl no longer hope, but they hope with a more practical hope; that in the spectrum or range between practicality and idealism, their belief and expectations reside more in the former. even as Christians, the ideals we had for ourselves and others become more practical oriented. it doesn't mean believers don't follow or trust God, but their perspective change, and perhaps they tend to take less
risk in the realm of hope, especially in those ideals of heaven.
i write this because i believe many of my ideals have been crushed. the naivete that once shielded me has ebbed away, and i'm confronted with the tensions between this present fallen life and my faith in the risen one – the two realities collide more. while riding the bart today, i realized that i still hope, i still believe b/c it is this hope that over the years has become more real to me, not so much because it has been reinforced with blessings and abundance, but in the contrary, as it has been reinforced with disappointments and suffering. instead of a hope that is composed of many things, or many options like my abilities, gifts, and talents, it is hope of one thing - Christ. my hope is no longer a hope of many hopes, it is my only hope. disappointments and suffering has pushed me to end of myself, that i either continue to coup with depending on myself or come to place of truly saying, i need Christ. yes, i need Him. it may sound like a crutch, but it is a recognition that i don't have it altogether, and i can't, i won't continue to wear a mask that corresponds to the cultural pressures of this world, even that of Christian/church culture that says "it's all good. i'm doing fine." no, i want to be free to admit i'm a mess, and that i need someone to help me become less of a mess. moreover, that the realities of this life: the reality of who i am, and what i want yet fail to achieve find meaning at the cross. i nail it there. i nail the false impression of what life is, the significance i drew from the things of the world, which also reciprocated "failure" and condemned for things i did not and could not accomplish. at the cross, the failure that hovers over me, trying to push me to hope less, to become more cynical, and to become more practical is exchanged for success of Christ. it shouts the significance of Christ in me. it uncuffs me, it frees to hope with greater purity, a greater passion, and a deeper longing; that Christ who saved me, who works with me, this mess, says because you are good in Me, trust me, follow me, and know i will make all things new. my gosh, make all things new.
i'm sorry if i sound narrow-minded, even close-minded, but i ONLY can subscribe to ONE hope, to ONE belief, to One God. it is absolute, singular for me. for many hopes lead to many other forms of cynicisms, of which reliance on practicality is the most deceptive. while one hope, Christ, leads to reliance on Him. and when it comes down to it, how can I not hope in the One who has made me His in order that I make Him mine – my ALL!
it’s all or nothing baby!
gear
14For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, 16and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.
Ephesians 2:14-16
unless one comes to a deep and true vicariously identification with
Christ's work, death and victory, one can never truly be free to
follow. that when he/she comes to a place where he/she receives the Father's
approval and satisfaction, as He declares him/her forgiven, clean, and
righteous, and views him/her as pleasing and accepted; he/she no longer strives
to perform, works for approval, and serves for acceptance. "It is
finished!" is declared in the soul and life that was becomes no more,
and the life that became all there is.
i learned so much about grace this past year, especially these last
couple of weeks. after wcc, instead of allowing things to blow over,
the passive-aggressive asian approach, i tried to say sorry more often
and ask for ppl's forgiveness when i've committed a wrong. it's
especially relevant in the process of surrendering my pride, the
so-called rights or things i've held against others. it's actually quite
liberating to verbally express my wrongs, the mess that is me, and to
claim the grace that upholds me, and the love i long to have for
others.
one essential thing i'm learning. God is indeed incredibly wise. from
the world's standpoint, when somebody pushes you, and you respond by
pushing back, you both are equally wrong. but from God's standpoint,
you who pushed back are more wrong. the reason is not found rational or
logic, but in the grace or lack of it that you have not extended toward
the person that pushed you first. in a broader context, we pushed God
first, and continued to push Him to the cross. yet He didn't pushed
back, but graciously extended His mercy and His love to us.
perhaps that is why there are so many divisions even within the church,
or among churches. we have not extended grace. i have not extended
grace. and maybe that's why i am very much into grace, and though
we will always have disagreements, we can do so with lovingly and
graciously.
gear
at the cross, you find a life that you could not live for yourself, and
a death you could not die. at the same time, you find not only the
death you DO have, but a life that you have already lived. my dear
brothers and sisters, you are PERFECT. live FREE.
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Luke 7:44-50
44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this
woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my
feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.
45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered,
has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but
she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many
sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven
little loves little."
48Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
49The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even
forgives sins?"
50Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."